Genderbender
by aliasaurorasaccounthasmoved
Summary: Due to my very strange new interest in FMA genderbender tales, and the abrupt lack of good ones on FFnet, I decided to write my own. You have been warned.
1. Chapter 1

_Hi! It's great that you're here! Sit down and make yourself comfortable. There's a kettle of hot water on the stove and the tea is in the cabinets. I have mandarin orange, raspberry, and green, but the vanilla chai is my personal favorite. Or, if a cup of tea isn't your cup of tea, you can make yourself a cup of hot chocolate with the things in there. If you're truly boring, I suppose you could have a glass of water, but water just isn't good for storytelling. I'll stick with tea, myself._

_Good, now that we're all situated—oh, would you put another log on the fire? They're just there—I can begin. _

_This story starts underground, as all good stories do (except the ones that don't. Not to be confused with bad stories that begin underground, or bad stories that don't begin underground, such as Twilight), in a lair of sorts. Watch as your comfortable surroundings melt away and are replaced with the dingy and poorly lit appearance of an 80's grunge film. _

_If you squint, just so—there, do you see it?—you ought to be able to glimpse a very large silhouette just ahead of us. Step forward—not too close!—and take a good look. Is the shape familiar? _

_No? _

_Don't worry, this will all make sense soon. Now step back, quietly now, and open your ears. What do you hear? _

_No, not the rats scurrying in the sewer pipes above our heads. No, don't freak out! They're just animals, same as bunnies and chipmunks and puppies and butterflies, and they're not hurting you, so pipe down already and LISTEN. _

_Now do you hear it? _

_

* * *

_

"F-father?"

_

* * *

_

_It's an odd, almost childlike tone, isn't it? Strange, isn't it, coming from the throat of a large man such as this? Hush for a moment. Can you see what he is doing? _

_

* * *

_

"I smell you, but I don't see you..."

* * *

_No, not us. He can't see us. _

_

* * *

_

"Hullo! What is this?"

_

* * *

_

_See what he's touching? No? Oh well, just watch. _

_

* * *

_

"I wonder what happens when..."

* * *

_QUICK! Jump back! See that glowing? No, don't get close! _

_Quick, back to the study!_

_Okay, is everyone intact? Good. _

_That, my friends, was the accidental activation of an ancient experimental transmutation circle that was never used. Because it was hidden under the city, it lay undisturbed for millennia, and would have remained so if it weren't for the unnatural creature that happened to stumble upon it in the underground. Because of that unnatural creature's actions, approximately thirty million people in this little military dictatorship of Amestris are going to wake up and quickly discover that the impossible has been made poss— _

_Do? What do you mean, what does it do? Well, don't you—_

_Oh, yes... well, I suppose I shall have to explain._

_...Actually, it's easier to show you than tell you. Come on, we're going somewhere else. _

_This is a little country town called Resembool; a blip on the map, really. It is here that we will find a very good friend of mine named Winry Rockbell. Winry is quite a nice young lady, really, very talented, very strong. Not too long ago, two of her childhood friends came home for a visit. They are the brothers Elric, I don't know if you've ever heard the name. I shall introduce them later, once they're awake; you see, they're sleeping in. This is significant because it is only a very recent thing that both of these brothers are ABLE to sleep. _

_But that's a different story. _

_Back to Winry. _

_Ah, here she is. A pretty girl, isn't she? But you'll notice something quite odd about her if you look closely. Do you see it? Don't be shy, have a guess. Pay attention to the way her body is shaped under the covers of the bed in which she is sleeping. You can say it, go on! She can't hear you! _

_AHA! Yes! Very good! _

_Winry Rockbell isn't a she at all, is she? _

_Now you're surely asking the inevitable follow-up question: If she is not a she, then why did I call her thus? Well, you see—oh, she's waking! Watch: _

_

* * *

_

Winry opened her eyes and immediately sensed that something was wrong. She sat up, rubbed her eyes a little, then threw the blankets away from herself and realized what was different.

"AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Her voice cracked with the force of her scream, but even as high in the register as it was, she could still tell it was off.

Moments later, a female Ed burst into the room, dressed in only a black shirt and boxers. "Winry, what's wr—hey, who the hell are you?" She made a funny confused face, then cleared her throat as if thinking she had gotten something lodged in it.

Winry looked at Ed, blinked, then screamed again.

"Where is Winry?" Ed demanded. She coughed more roughly this time.

"I AM Winry!"

"No you're not! You're a guy! What, do you think I'm retarded? Is it you, Envy? I'll take you on anytime if you've hurt her, I swe—"

"Ed!" Winry interrupted. "Just look down!"

A girl's scream echoed through the house and out of it, scaring a few birds in the front lawn.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" Ed screamed at the top of her voice. She squished her left breast, then looked horrified when she realized she could actually feel it. "What the hell, what the hell, WHAT THE HELL?" She looked at the man in Winry's bed. He did seem to sort of have Winry's features, most noticeably, her eyes and bangs. He was also wearing a nightgown the likes of which any real man wouldn't be caught dead in. The hair was shorter, though, and his body was entirely unlike Winry's soft, tempting...

* * *

_Oops, sorry, I'll get my mind out of the gutter. _

_

* * *

_

A very pretty blonde with sideswept bangs appeared in the doorway next, rubbing her eyes. She was also dressed in only her pajamas, a light-colored tank and men's boxers that stretched tight over her hips where they wouldn't have on a man. "Winry, what are you doing in the doorw—" she began, having only seen Ed from behind and therefore assuming that she was Winry. "Hey, you're not Winry," said the girl slowly.

"Of course I'm not—" Ed began, whirling around to see who was behind her. She stopped short when the two pairs of golden eyes met. "Al?" Ed asked.

"Nii-san, are you cosplaying as a girl or something? Why do you look so... pretty? And what's with your voice?"

"Take a look at yourself!" said Ed. Al looked down, then gave a similar scream to the one Ed had given earlier.

"I'm a girl!" she screamed in horror. "A hot girl!"

"I know!" Ed shouted. "Me too!"

"Al's prettier," Winry mumbled, smirking.

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" Ed screamed, rounding on him.

"Okay, calm down, calm down," said Winry, waving his hands around in what was probably supposed to be a calming gesture. "We need to figure out what's happened and reverse it."

"Oh yeah, and what do you suggest, O Wise One?" Ed asked, putting her hands on her hips unthinkingly. "I'm still having trouble getting over the fact that I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND I WAS A FREAKING _GIRL_!"

"Cool your jets, nii-san," said Al. "Or should I say nee-san now?"

"YOU WILL STILL CALL ME NII-SAN! I AM _NOT_ YOUR SISTER!" Ed shouted, starting to turn pink from yelling.

"Enough with the capital letters!" said Winry. "We have to figure this out, and fast. I can't go out like this!"

"There MUST be an explanation," said Al. "We just have to find it."

"ARE YOU ALL ALREADY OVER THE FACT THAT I AM A GIRL OR WHAT?"

* * *

_Perhaps I should have warned you about Ed's temper issues first. _

_Well, that's all there is. See you late—oh, you want to know how the story ends? Well, I didn't know you came here wanting the whole shebang! I wasn't prepared for this eventuality! Okay, stop by later and I'll have the rest for you by then. Drop the mugs in the sink; I'll get them later. Take care! Drive safe!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Oh, you're back so soon? Come in, come in, have a seat—don't mind the dogs, they're harmless, if stupid. Coffee? I just made a fresh pot. Or tea, like last time? I'll put the kettle on. _

_Well, I'm ready to tell a little more of the story. I had to look back in my old diaries on the subject, you see, because my memory gets muddled after a while. But I believe I have my story straight, now, so relax and we'll start where we left off. _

_Ed, Al, and Winry were panicking over the gender switch, were they not? We're going to rejoin them in the living room of Winry's home. _

* * *

"I've never heard of anything like this," said Al, peering down at herself. "Could it be alchemy?"

"Ridiculous!" said Ed. She was pacing back and forth in front of the couch on which Winry and Al were sitting. "Six years ago we read every book on human transmutation we could get our hands on and there was NOTHING about this!"

"We missed something," Al said calmly.

"Missed WHAT?" Ed threw her hands in the air like she was flinging confetti. "There is no possible way we could have missed it IF IT WAS POSSIBLE! Which it is NOT!"

"Edward," said Winry in a tone that threatened murder. "Shut up."

Ed glared at him.

"Clearly, it is," said Al. "I wish we hadn't burned our house down with all our alchemy texts inside."

"That was years ago," said Ed. "Get over it."

"Ed, just because you're a girl doesn't mean you have to be a bitch," said Winry.

"Oh yeah?" Ed challenged. "What are you gonna do about it?"

"What do you think?" Winry shot back.

"Alright, both of you stop bickering for a sec," said Al. "I'm coming up with an idea."

"What's your idea?" asked Winry.

"We go to—"

"I already don't like this plan," said Ed, attempting to fold her arms across her chest and finding that the mechanics of the process aren't the same when you have breasts. "I am NOT leaving the house like this and that is final."

"Fine, then you can just suffer," said Winry impatiently.

"Nee-san," said Al to torture her.

Ed turned seven shades of red and it seemed like steam might start shooting out of her ears as she glared at her brother and her friend. "Fine," she said finally, when they didn't budge. "What's your stupid idea, Al?"

"We go to Central," Al continued. "Me and nii-san already have the tickets, since we were going to go there so nii-san could turn in his state alchemist's pocketwatch, so we would only need to buy one for Winry."

"And what's in Central?" Ed asked, not buying the plan just yet.

"The library, nii-san, duh. If there are answers anywhere, the answers will be there."

* * *

_Also, going to a new city will let them know that not only does the gender-switch affect the people in the town of Resembool, but people all over Amestris. They don't know the extent of the damage, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to!_

_Alright, what say we skip the getting ready to leave, as it only involves more whining on Ed's part. Eventually she will cave and borrow some of Winry's clothes, since her own no longer fit, and she will have a hell of a time changing, too. You can just imagine the nosebleeds! _

_Poor Winry, on the other hand, has to contend with a brand-new appendage that he's quite sure he could live without. I cringe to imagine the mental scarring._

_Now, we could just skip right ahead to the train ride, but that would be sacrificing a very significant event that occurred as the three were leaving the house. Actually, a little after that. _

_We are now in an unpaved dirt road in Resembool. It is midmorning. If you look in the distance behind us, you can see a young man running towards Ed, Al, and Winry from behind. This boy doesn't mean them any harm, so don't worry! _

_His name is Luna Helena Sisley Turner, and up until this morning, he was a platinum blond-haired girl with dreamy silver eyes and a dreamier countenance. She is sixteen years old, the same age as Al, her favorite pastime is writing poetry, she firmly believes that mortgages are the worst thing to happen to the world since Hitler (and since in this world, Hitler doesn't exist, that seems to be quite a strong statement), she works nights as a moon princess, she hates her mother, and she enjoys swordfish sandwiches. She is a terrible liar and an excellent pretender, she has the ability to memorize and repeat word-for-word anything she hears spoken aloud, and she does not speak Swahili. Recently she has made friends with Al, and it is for this reason that she is running to the place where he lives in order to announce that she has officially lost her last thread of insanity. You see, Luna does not believe that she has actually been turned into a male and that her parents have switched genders; she merely thinks she is insane. This might also be true, but it's not why she's a he._

* * *

"Oh, Alphonse," he said. "I'm glad I found you! Look, I need your help! I'm hallucinating that everyone is the wrong gender and my mom and dad freaked out and kicked me out of the house for the day! Please, please, please, please, PLEASE take me to a hospital, quick! Before my brain suffers permanent damage!"

"Don't worry," said Al, patting his shoulder. "You're not hallucinating. We've all changed genders for some reason, but we don't know why."

Luna stared at Al blankly. "But that's impossible."

"You're telling ME!" Ed ranted.

"Apparently it's not impossible," said Al. "Don't worry, Luna, me and nee—uh, I mean, nii-san are going to get to the bottom of this."

"Would you like to come with us?" Winry asked.

"Where are you going?" asked Luna.

"We're going to Central City, to visit the library there and try to find out how this happened," Winry answered.

"And if that doesn't work, I know exactly whose ass to kick if I want answers," said Ed, thinking of the homunculi.

Luna didn't have to hesitate to know exactly what his answer was going to be. "Sure, I'll come with. My parents will be glad to have me out of the house."

* * *

_It is at this point worth mentioning that the Sisley-Turners, Luna's parents, absolutely hate her. Not for anything she's done in particular, except perhaps being incomprehensible to her starched-and-straight folks, but it's more their fault. Their marriage failed a long time ago and they were too religious to divorce—oh, religious people and their lost causes!—, so to make up for their loveless marriage they just have a lot of sex. Not the soundest plan ever, if you ask me. Also, there is the issue of having a teenage daughter around all the time to bother them. This is why, most of the time, Luna's parents boot her out of the place and forget she even exists. Since Luna hates her parents anyway, this plan is a solid one no matter how you slice it._

_Oh, my, look at the time! Don't you have that rendezvous at seven? Well, you'd better hurry if you don't want to miss it! It's a great opportunity! Drop the teacup in the sink in the way out, just like last time, and thank you for your time! I'll tell you some more of the story tomorrow, don't fret!_

_Bye-bye, now! Take care! Drive safe!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Hi! I'm sorry you had to leave so abruptly yesterday. I didn't get a chance to tell you about what happened once the characters got to the library in Central! Well, luckily there's plenty of time today! Sit down in your usual seats, if you please, and we'll get started. _

_I hope that, if you have not been inside Central Library, you have at least seen it from a distance when you were passing by, perhaps on your way to work or school or the zoo. It's a fairly dull-looking building, I suppose, as all government buildings are, but on the day our story takes place it is one of the liveliest places in Central. Foot traffic is backed up for half a block and don't even get me started on the automobiles. Oh, but don't look so surprised! It's like this everywhere. Central is crazy right now and the government is getting concerned that the crowd of men and women (who ought to be women and men) in front of fairly every government building is going to turn into a mob demanding answers. Ah, Gluttony has put the city in quite a pickle, hasn't he?_

_Follow Edward as she pushes and shoves her way through the throng of people in front of the library, quickly now, before they surge back into position; just follow right behind Al and Winry and Luna, and don't get lost! _

_Now do you see why the people are causing a commotion at the library? _

_Yes, that's right, the cars! There are about... fifteen, sixteen... nineteen! military cars in front of Central library. The logic of these people is that if there are that many military people inside a LIBRARY, something seriously interesting must be going down. _

_You'll see why the military is here in a minute. _

_Don't mind the soldiers with machine guns at the entrance. They're guarding against unauthorized people; luckily Ed gets away with simply flashing his pocketwatch and we're in. _

_Now the fun begins._

* * *

"Why are so many people already here?" Ed mumbled under her breath as she looked around the interior of Central Library 2nd Branch and saw that it was abuzz with activity.

"EDWARD ELRIC!" shouted an impressively loud woman from across the room.

* * *

_Guess who?_

* * *

"Hi, Armstrong," Ed, Al, and Winry chorused dully.

"Hello, children!" said Armstrong. As a woman, Alex Louis Armstrong didn't look like his large, muscley self. She was pretty and dainty-looking like Catherine and Olivia, and was therefore comically dwarfed by her military uniform, which she hadn't had a chance to get replaced. She appeared to have improvised by tying a rope around her waist like a belt and rolling up her sleeves and pant legs, but she was still drowning in cloth. "I'm so happy you have arrived!" she boomed, glomping first Ed, then Al.

When Ed was released, she feigned swooning. "I've been killed," she groaned. Apparently Armstrong's soul-crushing hug abilities had not been lost.

Winry prodded Ed with his toe. "Get up."

"Killed..." she repeated.

Moments later, Al laid down on the floor next to her brother and they both laid there and moaned.

"Idiots," said Winry, folding his arms across his chest and glaring down at them.

While this was happening, Armstrong and Luna were making friends.

At this moment, Hawkeye looked up from the stack of books he was holding for Roy and saw the commotion by the door. "General," he said.

"Huh?" Roy was so absorbed that she actually jumped a little when called to attention.

"Weren't Edward and Alphonse in their hometown?"

Roy ran a hand through her hair, thinking about it, then nodded. "Yes, they said they wanted a year off to just relax after they got their bodies back. Why?"

Hawkeye tilted his head to the entrance. "They're here now."

"I'm not surprised," said Roy. "Probably came about the... well, yeah. Here, hold this and wait here." She dropped yet another book on top of Riza's precarious stack and marched towards them. Scowling at being used as a bookshelf, he walked towards one of the tables and deposited all seven thick alchemical texts onto it.

"Fullmetal!" said Roy. "It's great that you're here?"

Ed was still lying on the floor, but Al had sobered and gotten up by then. "Unnnnngh," she grunted. "My_ spine_... Wow, Mustang, you make a pretty hot girl."

"I make a pretty hot guy, too, but that's not the point," Roy said irritably. "Get up, I'm putting you to work."

"Doing what?"

"Looking up apple pie recipes. What do you think? We've got every available alchemist, state or freelance, researching the cure for this..." she gestured vaguely, "...whatever this is."

"Great, that's why I'm here anyway," said Ed, sitting up.

"I figured," said Roy.

"I can help too, right, General Mustang?" Al asked.

"Of course," said Roy. "I would be surprised at you if you didn't."

Al nodded seriously and Roy led them back to the stacks.

"What do we do now?" asked Luna.

Winry shrugged. "Follow them? I feel pretty useless right about now, how about you?"

"I share your sentiments," said Luna, scratching his head.

"COME ALONG, BOYS—_girls?_—CHILDREN!" Armstrong shouted. "I have to continue research, being that I am an alchemist too, but I KNOW EXACTLY WHO YOU SHOULD MEET!"

Luna and Winry sweatdropped. "I don't like the sound of this," said Winry.

Armstrong steered Winry and Luna towards a dark-haired man and a blonde woman who cringed when the Major got close. "Keep an eye on these two, Brosh," she looked at the woman, whose clothes were too loose, "Ross," she looked at the man, whose clothes were too tight. "They're very important to the Elric brothers, so don't lose them like last time," he said seriously.

Denny and Maria saluted in unison, looking a little sheepish at the reminder of the Lab 5 incident. "Yes, sir!"

Winry and Luna stared at Maria and Denny.

"Hi," said Luna, breaking the silence.

"Hi," said Denny.

"Hello," said Maria.

"Hey," said Winry. "If you two aren't alchemists, and you aren't researching the cure for this, then why are you here?" She glanced around the library and recognized many other non-alchemists in their midst. "Seems a bit pointless, doesn't it?"

"Better than attempting to get anything done in HQ," Maria explained. "The place is completely swamped with people trying to get in."

"As if this is somehow the military's fault!" Denny added.

"...So as long as we hang out in one of the military's offices and look fairly productive, nobody questions us," Maria continued.

Luna nodded as if agreeing with the explanation, then twisted to look at the door. "I've never been in a big city like this before..." he said softly.

"I've been here loads of times," Winry began.

"We live in this city," Denny interrupted. "Would you like to see the sights?"

Luna raised his eyebrows. "What about the military uniforms? Don't you two sort of... stick out? I thought the whole point of being here was to keep AWAY from the crowds."

"Well, I guess that is true..." Denny trailed off, frowning. She looked around at the chaos of the library.

* * *

_Am I overexaggerating the awkward conversation between these four? My diary is inaccurate. All I know is that it was a bit... forced. So to make up for the oddness of it all, I just improvised. _

_Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnyway..._

* * *

Maria snapped his fingers. "I know how we can get out of here without the people outside spotting us."

"How?" chorused Winry and Luna.

"Where there's a will, there's a way. Come on, you two."

Luna and Winry looked at each other.

"Better than hanging out in this musty old library," said the ever-practical Luna with a shrug.

* * *

_And now on to more interesting things; that is, back to the library where the greatest scientific minds of the state are doing little of immediate interest. _

* * *

"This is pointless," Ed complained, slamming the cover of the book she was currently reading closed. "Even if there ARE answers in one of these useless text, it's a million to one we'll find anything, let alone anything use—"

"FOUND IT!" shouted the Crimson Alchemist, of all people.

* * *

_As a woman, Zolf J. Kimblee doesn't really look all that different from normal. She is a little rounder, sure, but flat-chested, and she still has those shifty eyes. I hate the shifty eyes. And the evil villain eyebrows. Actually, I just hate the man in general. Jerkface. _

_But I'll let you form your own opinions._

…

…

… _total jerkface._

* * *

"Back up, back up!" Kimblee shouted when ten people immediately dropped what they were doing and converged on her. "Look, I'll read it out loud!"

"Well, do it then!" another woman shouted roughly.

"'The Transmutatione of Humans into Sexes Unnatural to the Design of our Lord is another of these moste inexact Arts as mentioned earlier in this Texte,'" Kimblee read out the the stunned-silent audience. "'It were claimed to be Possible many Years before the current Date, but the Source was Unreliable and the claim Unjustifide. For Interestes of preserving scientific Knowledge for Posterity, it is Notable that at least 3 Alchemistes in Historie recent have made claim to creating a Transmutatione Circle which were capable of transmuting the Sexe of a Person, but none of the Researcheres were able to create again the original Experimente.' It goes on to talk about the theory of transmutation, but it's nothing an intelligent man couldn't figure out on his own," Kimblee concluded.

Everyone was silent for a moment, then the whole room began buzzing with chatter. Those who had been previously working on research either attacked their books with renewed vigor or stood around to discuss Kimblee's finding.

"That told us nothing at all," Ed complained. "Does it at least mention the names of the alchemists who did this shady transmutation?"

Kimblee was already flitting through the pages. "Nothing."

"Why the hell would the author include it, then?"

"Why the hell are you asking me?"

Ed glared at Kimblee, then began pacing with frustration while Al oh-so-politely requested to read the rest of the passage on sex-changing transmutations. It was piteously short, only one page, and only one column on the page at that. "You're right," Al sighed, "there's really nothing here."

"At least we know it's theoretically possible, right?" said Hawkeye, who didn't understand why they weren't more excited about this or how he could have become Mustang's pack mule so quickly after becoming a man. "You all are being overly critical."

"That may be so," said Mustang as she passed by him and dropped a relevant-looking book onto his stack, "but it's frustrating to be so close and yet not close enough."

"Is this what it was like for you before you discovered the key to your flame alchemy?"

Roy paused and looked at him searchingly. Hawkeye remained stoic. "Yes," she said finally. "It was just like this."

* * *

_Oh, now look at the time! So late! This is becoming a habit, isn't it? Well, I'll see you tomorrow evening! Take care, drive safe!_


	4. Chapter 4

_I've got plenty of time to talk today, I believe, and plenty more to say. Remember how I told you yesterday that I hadn't written very much in my diaries about that part of the story, and I had to improvise? Well, the opposite is true today. I was very, very detailed about this part of the story. Therefore, there's quite a lot to say. Come, let's head into the kitchen and talk. Don't be shy! Pardon the messy countertops. I'll get them in a minute as soon as I've found this recipe. Today is my cooking day; you see, I'm one of those people who makes my food for the entire week on the weekends and then freezes it. It's quicker, you see, and convenient, since this kitchen has not one, but TWO stacked ovens, like a restaurant! I love it. I'm so glad I remodeled. _

_Alright, just drag a chair on from the dining room. Don't sit there; that's where the flour and sugar and other dry ingredients are. I wouldn't want to have to disturb you every time I need one of those. _

_Now, remind me, what was happening in the story where we left off yesterday? Winry, Denny Brosh, and Maria Ross were taking Luna Turner out to see the sights in Central City. That was some quick thinking on Maria's part: she managed to rustle up some clothes for herself and Denny that didn't look like military-issued uniforms, and then they went out on the town—so to speak; I actually believe it was early afternoon, and therefore that expression isn't quite the one I'm looking for. Anyway, for obvious reasons, most of the city had been shut down for the day, so it wasn't quite as exciting as it shout have been, but Luna didn't seem to care, and anyway it didn't matter for the most part. After all, you don't need much to just go look at a monument._

_Meanwhile, all the alchemists in Central were in the library on a marathon of studying, and the Crimson Alchemist had managed to find a passage in an old alchemical text concerning the swapping of genders. The passage was doubtful that it could be done, at least on a consistent basis, but explained the theory of that type of human transmutation and informed the reader that there were at least three alchemists who claimed to have done it. This gave everyone hope that it was at least possible, and as Alphonse brightly pointed out, "Anything that is possible is reversible." He would know._

_Set the top oven to preheat to 350, would you? _

_The alchemists in the library worked late into the night, except the ones like Ed and Al who fell asleep. Brosh and Ross took Luna and Winry to a hotel sometime around ten o'clock. Maria paid for the room out-of-pocket and Winry assured him that they could demand the money from Edward later. _

_To keep it cheap Winry and Luna opted to share a room, since "we're both girls anyway," and they turned it into something like a slumber party, mostly because if they had been very serious about it I'm sure the reality of it would have hit them too hard. They were very upset, you see, so they both decided to be a woman about it and pretend like it wasn't happening. This begs the question, how did Luna and Winry pretend they hadn't been changed into men when they had to use the bathroom? _

_Let's not dwell too much on that. _

_Oh, this is already starting to smell good. Must… not… eat… food… _

_Back to the library. _

_Everyone forgave Ed and Al for falling asleep, since they were the only children there—yes, I know they're not really kids, but from an adult perspective, they were children—but as for everyone else, it was an all-nighter. Not that the Elrics didn't do their part; Ed crashed around four AM. _

_Mustang had Fuery making nonstop coffee runs, the poor guy—uh, girl—until Hawkeye got annoyed with Mustang abusing the lower officers when technically they didn't even have to be there, and he sent Kain home. Of course, Mustang still demanded coffee. On any other occasion I suppose Hawkeye would have told Mustang to get off his as—er, keister—and go down the block and buy the coffee himself, but since the circumstances were extenuating, Hawkeye sucked it up and started making the coffee runs. _

_I suppose the man—now a woman—who ran the coffee shop was very pleased to see so many customers, which is why she (or he if you prefer) kept the shop open all night. _

_Fortunately most of the people who had been swarming the government offices had gone by now, except for the people at Central HQ, who had decided to camp out in the front. I don't know about you, but the mental image reminds me of the Women's March on Versailles during the French Revolution, where thousands of Parisian women marched twelve miles in the rain, armed with muskets, knives, scythes, and cannons, to the palace of Versailles to present their concerns to Marie Antoinette about the price of bread. You probably know this story by the most famous line Marie Antoinette never said: "If they cannot afford bread, then let them eat cake." _

_Of course, the difference here is that I don't think it was raining in Central on that day. _

…

_Oh, I'm sorry, did I get distracted cooking? I entirely forgot you were here; my apologies! _

_Let's see, what happened next, what happened next? Here, I'll give you a choice, would you like to skip ahead in the tale to when everyone found out more about the transmutation they were dealing with, or would you like me to go into detail about how everyone dealt with their trauma first? The latter option is a fairly lengthy story in which not a lot of action happens but—_

_Oh, you don't mind? Well, then let's start with the dream Edward had. _

_First, allow me to give you a little backstory on Ed—more specifically, Ed and Winry: _

_These two have been friends basically their whole lives; longer than I've known them, and it's at least fifty—no, closer to sixty—years since I met them originally. _

_When they were young, they would play together with Al in their rural hometown; you remember being there? Place called Resembool. However, with puberty came hormones, and it didn't help that Ed had very invasive automail surgery at the ripe old age of eleven—you know that Winry and her grandmother are automail mechanics, right?—Well ,every time Ed came home to get his automail repaired (before he got his old limbs back, he had the terrible habit of breaking his automail on a regular basis) he couldn't help noticing his childhood companion becoming more and more of a woman. Go ahead, you can say it: "Aww, how cute!" Not particularly so. You see, Ed deals with his emotions the way he deals with everything: he denies that it's happening until he can no longer ignore it, ignores it until the problem has stepped in front of him and demanded to be addressed, CONTINUES to ignore it until someone else points it out, then he gets mad at the poor soul who happened to mention in passing that there is an elephant in his living room. _

_As far as his feelings for Winry went, Ed was at the ignoring stage. (And yes, I am well aware that every stage involves ignoring. See, he's ignoring it so thoroughly that it's begun to fluctuate.) _

_Now that you know all this, I doubt it will surprise you that, if and when Edward has dreams about Winry (remember, this is a teenage boy we're talking about; undoubtedly he would dream about her even if he WASN'T in love with her. It just comes with the territory) he gets EXTREMELY FLUSTERED. Keep that in mind and the following will make perfect sense. _

* * *

Ed woke up with a yell, her pulse pounding, and tried to forget what she had just dreamed. As she came awake more fully, Ed realized she was still in the library, and that everyone in a ten-foot radius (Al, Hawkeye, Mustang, a passing lieutenant, and some short Asian man she didn't recognize) was staring at her.

"What?" she demanded.

"Are you really awake this time, nii-san?"

"What are you talking about, Al?"

"Well, earlier you had a very strange conversation with General Mustang before we figured out that you weren't actually awake."

Ed glanced at the dark-haired general, who was hiding her smirk with the book in her hands. Even Hawkeye looked like he was suppressing a smile. "What did I say?"

"First tell us what you were dreaming about," Mustang qualified.

Ed frowned at them all in turn. "Tell me what I said."

"No deal," said Mustang.

"As if it couldn't be inferred from what he was saying," said the Asian man, who was sitting on the other end of the table and was half listening to the conversation, half reading. "Who is 'Winry'? A friend of yours? A girlfriend?"

Ed turned an impossible shade of red and glared at the man. "Who the hell are you?"

"Lydia Chang, the Earthshaker Alchemist," he said. "And you're the Fullmetal. It's nice to finally meet you."

Ed pressed her lips together and glared at him, then glared at her brother and Mustang some more. "Tell me what I said," she demanded.

"No way," Mustang sang.

"Sorry, nii-san, but I know you too well," said Al, shrugging apologetically.

Hawkeye held out a white styrofoam cup from the cardboard tray of them in her hands. "Coffee, Edward?"

Ed looked at it like it was poison for a minute before accepting it, thinking something along the lines of _Wouldn't it be nice if the coffee was spiked, and I drank a whole lot of it, and forgot about that horrible dream? _Once she had downed all the coffee, she picked up the book on top of which she had fallen asleep not three hours ago and started reading, hoping that she might become distracted from the nausea that rushed through her every time she thought of the dream. _Ugh! s_he kept thinking. _Even if it is still her on the inside, how could I have been dreaming about kissing another MAN!?_

* * *

_Now, on that rather telling parting note, we go back to Winry and Luna. _

* * *

Unable to sleep due to the extreme stress of the day, Luna and Winry had made themselves comfortable in their hotel room and had talked away the hours.

"You know," said Luna suddenly, just as Winry had been about to doze off again, "I believe I must be a lesbian, and I never noticed it before."

Winry raised his eyebrows. "How do you figure?"

Luna flushed a little. "Well, you can't tell anyone, but ever since I've been a boy, I've been hyperaware of women. Just... I can't help imagining... you know, touching... a girl's body..." He turned bright red and was unable to continue.

"Oh, God," said Winry, sighing loudly with relief. "Then it's not just me!"

Luna looked at him blankly. "What?"

Now it was Winry's turn to blush furiously. "Well, there's this person who I've always been attracted—"

"Don't beat around the bush," Luna interrupted. "Everyone knows it's Edward."

Winry clapped a hand over his mouth. "Am I that obvious?"

Luna nodded gravely. "Yes, but continue your thought, please."

Winry rubbed the back of his neck, which seemed to itch a little. "Yeah, it's Ed. Well, to be plain, he still makes me all hot and bothered, even though he's a _she_. I was so scared, I thought there was something wrong with me! But if it's you too, then maybe this might be normal."

"Well, that's a load off my mind." Luna slumped onto his bed. Winry remained sitting up on his own. "We should ask some other people, just to be sure," he continued.

"Who should we ask?" Winry asked.

Luna thought about it. "Well, I don't really know anyone. If we were back home, I would have just asked my parents or something."

"That's no good," said Winry, and they fell silent, lost in thought.

"Ask Edward," said Luna suddenly.

"No way!" Winry said quickly. "I can't tell him!"

"Of course you can," said Luna. "It's not like you have to confess to him. Just ask him if he's been having 'thoughts.'"

"I could never ask Ed something like that!" Winry shouted. "He would look at me like I'm insane!"

Luna shrugged. "If you can't do it, then I will," he said calmly.

"What would you say?" Winry asked, uncertain if this was a good idea or an even worse one.

"I would just ask him straight up if he's attracted to guys."

Winry laughed. "That would never work!"

"Why not?"

"He'd punch you in the face!" Winry giggled at the mental image.

"Fine, I'll ask Alphonse. He'd give me a straight answer, wouldn't he?"

"Maybe, maybe not," said Winry, sobering from her laughter. "Al does have a sense of privacy, you know."

Luna frowned. "Well, I'm certainly not going to ask any of the adults I've met here. They're all clinically insane. Especially that Armstrong lady."

"I think we should just forget about it entirely," said Winry. "We're not going to get an honest answer out of anyone, I think."

"I guess so," Luna sighed. She changed the subject. "Hey, Winry, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," said Winry. "What is it?"

"How homicidal do you think Edward would get if I tried to kiss his brother? Avoidably so?"

Winry laughed at the phrasing. "I think I didn't give you enough credit for knowing Ed well!"

"Seriously," said Luna. "I've been thinking for a long time that I might like him, but he hasn't seemed that interested. I'd like to make a move, but I know how protective Edward is of Alphonse. It worries me, actually."

Winry stared at him, thinking hard. "I think you're okay. Just... don't try anything when Ed is around, and you should be okay."

"Okay, thanks," he said, exhaling. "You know, now that I'm thinking about it, if Alphonse really was a girl, you know, like since he was born, and if I was a boy—"

"Ed would definitely punch you," said Winry, thus ending that conversation.

* * *

_Does it seem to you that every time you come over for a visit, you stay for longer? I believe this is the case. Well, anyway, thanks for stopping by. You know, you really don't have to come tomorrow for the rest of the story. The resolution is quite dull, at least I think so. If you would like to hear it, that's fine, but I always thought that this was the most interesting part of the story. _

_Sigh... well, I suppose you will at least want to know how everyone got returned to normal, and what happened after. Yes, I imagine you will want to know THAT! Well, it's unavoidable. _

_I'll see you tomorrow, then! Take care! Drive safe!_


	5. Chapter 5

_My, my, don't you look under the weather today? But you still came to hear some of the story? Well, I guess I'll oblige you. Come into the kitchen like yesterday and I'll make you some soup, child. And tea, of course, can't go without the tea! No, don't get up! Just sit right there and I'll put the kettle on. _

_So, where were we? Ah, I have it marked in my diary for that year, how clever of me! Let's see, let's see... well, let's keep the story short today. I'll tell you about how the alchemists in the library found out how the transmutation really works. _

_To start off this story, we go to General Mustang, who is currently on the phone with the Fuhrer, that is, the former Major General Olivia Armstrong. She is a man and she is NOT pleased about it. Interestingly enough, Olivia is a very, very large man, muscular like her brother, so it's almost as if they have switched bodies... well, not quite. Olivia and Alex wear their hair the same way as they did before the gender-swap. Anyway, Mustang and Armstrong are on the phone. It is now about eleven o'clock in the afternoon. _

* * *

"I'm not paying you to sit on your ass and read novels!"

* * *

_As a woman shouting, this would have been merely terrifying, but with a man's voice, Mustang could have wet herself, and this is the guy who's fought immortal homunculi and WON. Oh yes, Armstrong is scarier. _

_Here's your tea, by the way. Honey, or are you a sugar person?_

* * *

"Look, we're tryin', okay? It's not that simple!" Mustang's upset voice sounded like every other woman's upset voice: way higher in the register than any normal person can stand to hear over the phone.

Olivia held the receiver a foot from his ear.

"I've got every mentally stable alchemist in a fifty-mile radius working round the clock to find the cure," Mustang continued ranting, "including a few mentally UNstable ones, and we've only found one damn thing and it's not helping, okay, so unless you want to get your ass down here and—hell, why am I crying? I'm pissed, not sad! Damn it, Roy, pull yourself together! Be a man!"

"You're a girl now," said Hawkeye, who was leaning against the wall a foot away, waiting for Mustang to get off the phone. "Pretty much every negative emotion is wired to your tear ducts. You'll get used to it."

"Are you laughing at me over there?" Mustang demanded of Armstrong.

"I can hear every word Colonel Hawkeye is saying," said Armstrong, "and yes, I am laughing at you."

"Well—well—well—stop!" Mustang demanded.

"If these weren't extenuating circumstances I would fire you for talking to me like this, you know," said Armstrong. "Civilians are going to riot. I need to tell them something. I'll call back at o'thirteen-hundred-hours. Get me answers." He hung up.

Mustang slammed the phone down and turned to all the tired-looking alchemists in the room. "ATTENTION!" she shouted. "YOU HAVE TWO HOURS TO GET ME ANSWERS. I DON'T CARE IF IT TAKES CAFFEINE OR COCAINE, BUT YOU ALL BETTER LOOK ALIVE OR I WILL SHOW YOU EXACTLY HOW FLAMMABLE YOU ARE! AND IT WILL _NOT_ BE PRETTY!"

"Sounds like fun," said Kimblee, smirking deviously.

Mustang glared at her. "Starting with _you_!"

Kimblee shut her mouth and busied herself with reading.

* * *

_Here's your soup, dear, are you sure you're okay? _

_Alright, well, I'll tell you a little more of the story, but after this, you need to go home and rest. You look terrible!_

* * *

"I'm too tired to function," Ed whined. She rubbed her eyes and blinked until the letters on the page came back into focus. "We aren't finding anything."

Al was forcing herself to be alert. She had a pencil out to take notes, not that it was of any use, since she had found nothing either. "Keep going, nii-san. Don't give up."

"Hell no," said Ed immediately. "I'm not giving up! Who do you think I am?"

"Annoying," said Lydia Chang, who was still sitting at the opposite end of the table despite Ed being Ed. "Now hush and let us read. This text is making no sense and you're distracting."

"Funny," said Mustang, half-listening while sitting at the table to their table's left, "because this one isn't making sense either."

"Maybe it's because they're all written in Old Amestrian?" Hawkeye suggested.

"No," she responded absently, circling a phrase directly in the book. "It's not the same... Hawkeye, grab that book there with the blue cover and tell me who the author is."

"Uh..." Hawkeye picked it up and flipped though the first couple pages before he found the title page. "Godric Rhoades," he said finally.

"No, that's no good, then," said Mustang, sighing tiredly. "This one is written by a Horace Ridgsod."

In the table behind them, Armstrong seemed to start. She turned around, nearly falling out of her chair. "Colonel Hawkeye," she said, "How is that name spelled? R-H-O-D-E-S?"

"No," he said. "It's R-H-O-A-D-E-S."

"Any other weird spellings of the first names?"

Mustang shook her head. "Godric and Horace, just how you'd always spell them."

"How is Ridgsod spelled?"

"Who cares?" asked Ed.

"R-I-D-G-S-O-D," said Mustang.

"It's an anagram!" Armstrong shouted. "And you've been finding odd phrases in these books? Colonel, hand me that one you have there."

Hawkeye passed her the blue book.

"Circle anything suspicious!" Armstrong said urgently as she began attacking the first pages of the book in her hands.

Realizing they were on to something, Hawkeye fired a blank into the air to get the attention of everyone. "Find any books by authors whose names are anagrams of Godric Rhoades! G-O-D-R-I-C R-H-O-A-D-E-S!"

A minute later, a woman shouted "Rodd S. Graichoe!" and ran over to present it to Hawkeye.

"Dag O. I. Schroder!" someone else yelled momentarily.

Al snatched a book from the table in front of him written by Cori Seddrahgo and passed it to Hawkeye.

"They're everywhere!" Ed shouted when he spotted one by Eric Sorgad Hod.

Lydia Chang picked up and started going through a book by Doris A. Gredoch.

"Is it a code?" someone asked as they flipped through something by Sir G. Herod Adoc.

"I think it's an alphabet shift code!" the Earthshaker Alchemist shouted. He was furiously scribbling on a scrap piece of paper. "Everything shifts forward four! A becomes D, B becomes E, C becomes F!"

"All the words are coming out backwards," said Al. "Start from the backs of the books and work to the front!"

The entire room fell completely silent except for the flipping of pages and the urgent scratching of pens and pencils.

"This is it!" someone said under their breath. "This is it!"

* * *

_Hey, hey, wake up! You really do look quite ill. Oh, come one and head home for the day, alright? And make sure to get some rest! Take care of yourself, dear! And drive safe!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Oh, are you really here? I had assumed you wouldn't be coming because of my granddaughter's party this afternoon. What time is at again? Oh, never mind, five o'clock, I have it written on my calendar! Well, since you're here, I might as well put you to work. We're making cupcakes. I'm going to ice them with number threes since that's how old Tori is. You can help me mix the batter. Grab yourself a big bowl from the cabinet there, and I have the recipe card right here. And while we work, I can tell you what was happening in my story. _

_By the way, it's good that you got some rest yesterday. You look much better._

_I have my diary out today, you see it there on the counter? That's because I know for a fact my memory isn't as great as it once was. Of course, if you look at my handwriting, you'll see the shorthand isn't very neat either. I was twenty-three when I wrote this, you see, and I had just barely gotten free from schooling, and when I was in school—oh, careful with the flour!—I was one of those students whose strategy was to write so badly that the teacher was too confused to fail me. It didn't work too well in mathematics, but nobody really cares about math anyway; it did work in all my writing classes, though; I never tried it in science, but then, I was always good at science—as you can imagine!_

_Anyway, that page of the diary there is the actual page I wrote on when we were decoding the puzzle of the mystery author who wrote under all those aliases. Ahh, but it's nearly illegible now. Well, that happens. _

_Anyway, the gist of what we found out: _

_First, the sex-changing transmutation is not your average transmutation. And don't say "I'm sure they could have figured that out on their own" because it's not what you think. Apparently, this was a type of transmutation that must be working continuously in order to have an effect; that is, if the transmutation circle is disrupted, everything will go right back to normal without a counter-transmutation necessary to fix it. _

_Second, and this didn't mean anything to us at the time but it does now: the transmutation affects humans—and ONLY humans. That means that the homunculi who started this whole mess could—and we later found out did—have no idea that anything had happened. Also, we were reassured that nobody's poor pet gerbil was having a gender crisis._

_Thirdly, there was a very accurate and in-depth description of how exactly it worked, including, perhaps most interestingly, the transcribed accounts of people who had had the switch worked on them for varying periods of time, including one man who had been a woman for an entire month before the transmutation was terminated. The books were unclear—likely purposely so—about whether these test subjects were entirely willing participants. _

_These witness accounts assuaged my concerns. During the first three days or so, I, like many other people (including Edward, Winry, and Luna, whose worries I relayed to you the day before last), was concerned that the switch was altering my mental functions; that is, I was concerned that I was leaning heavily toward homosexuality when I had no reason to doubt my heterosexuality before. Oh, you giggle into your hand _now,_ but I assure you it was quite frightening at the time!_

_As we were decoding the last pieces of the puzzle, the excitement died down in the library. Alchemists who were not tied to the military left, some of them to go home, but most of them went out to start looking for the transmutation circle. After all, something so huge couldn't be that hard to miss. General Mustang was relaying information directly to the Fuhrer, who immediately started preparing a press release. If you weren't doing any of the above, you were probably Edward Elric._

* * *

"Aren't you done yet?"

"No," said six people at once, three of whom weren't actually working.

Ed growled with impatience and reached for the book her brother was decoding, only to have it snatched away for the hundredth time. "Oh, come on! You're going at it on a snail's pace! Let me have a go already!"

"Nii-san, I'm finishing it in time enough."

"That's one opinion," Ed snorted. She began pacing back and forth between the tables again.

"Stop that, Fullmetal," said Earthshaker. "I swear to all that is holy that I will open a hole through this floor so deep you'll fall through the very bowels of this earth and wind up in Xing, dirtying some poor loser's tatami mats with that greasy automail. Sit down or something! You're making me dizzy just watching you out of the corner of my eye!"

"Oh yeah?" said Ed. "Well, why don't you hand me that book you've got there and you can just see for yourself how boring it is to have nothing to do!"

"Go find something else to do," Hawkeye suggested.

"Sit the hell down!" Earthshaker repeated. "Be quiet! Haven't you ever heard the saying 'children should be seen and not heard'?"

"I can't be quiet!" Ed snapped back.

* * *

_That's because if he shuts up, he's afraid his brain will start working. And I mean it in the nicest way possible. _

_Alright, first batch is done. Wait fifteen minutes on those ones, then I'll ice them. _

* * *

Fortunately, just then, a DISTRACTION! burst through the doors of the library and marched straight up to Ed, his blue eyes blazing. "EDWARD ELRIC!" he shouted.

"It's not broken!" she said reflexively, knowing the face of imminent doom all too well. But this time, the automail wasn't broken, so what the hell did Winry want? More importantly, what the hell had Ed done?

"WHY YOU?" Winry demanded, shoving a finger in Ed's face.

"Why me what?" she squeaked, panicked.

Winry suddenly became aware of their audience. He retracted his pointing hand and coughed a little. "Why you... why... you... uh... Why, you would be kind to have a word with me in private, right?"

The awkward wording made it obvious that he had not originally been about to say what he had ended up saying. Ed knew she was still in for some punishment once Winry got her alone.

* * *

_I didn't find this out until much later, but Winry had had a very angry speech planned to the effect of: "Of all the pretty girls in all of Amestris, how come the only one I can think about is—" No, that's not right. I think it was more like, "how come things that should never be attached to a girl's body do things that should never happen to a girl and how come they happen every time I think of you? What makes you so damn special, Edward Elric?"_

_For his part, absolutely nothing went on in Edward's head at all. Especially not when, as soon as they were out of the public eye, Ed pushed a very surprised Winry back against the stacks and gave his first kiss to a boy..._

_Finish those last three you're icing, dear... _

_Alright, let's get going to that party!_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N, PLEASE READ: **

**When I started writing this fic, I didn't intend to take it seriously. I had a vague idea of what I wanted to do, of course, but I didn't think it through very well until I realized I was getting a surprisingly positive reaction from readers. After that, I started actually... you know... thinking about it. This is the final chapter, and I finally know how all the pieces fit together. I'm planning on going through the older chapters and editing them so the whole thing is coherent... (this is what happens when you don't plan a fic before posting it, kiddies!)... but if you find anything in previous chapters that contradict this one, (even if they're really tiny) please point them out to me in a review or PM so I can fix it. Thanks for your readership!**

* * *

_Oh, there you are, child! Come in, sit down. He already called me and told me you might come here, but don't worry, I won't tattle on you. Why don't you have a cup of tea and tell me what this fight was all about, hm? _

…

_Oh, no!_

…

_Yes, of course. No, I wouldn't either._

…

_Well, that explains some things._

…

_Right. Obviously. _

…

_Oh._

…

_Mm-hmm. _

…

_No, not at all! But continue. _

…

_I see. Is that all, then? What a terrible mess this is, no? Here, you're out of tea; I'll get you some more. Would you like me to tell you the very end of the story? Perhaps it will get your mind off of things._

* * *

Mustang flipped through the stack of papers, scowling violently. Colonel Hawkeye, Winry, Luna, and Major Chang were both hard at work deciphering—not the code in the books, but the_ handwriting_ of the ten or twelve alchemists who had just gotten through decoding the books. So far, ten pages were done and every one of the women-turned-men had a hand cramp. "This still doesn't answer the most basic question," said Mustang, glancing around at all the alchemists in the library who had take it upon themselves to take a nap, including but not limited to Fullmetal. "If the circle has to be this big and continuously working, then where the hell could it possibly be? There's no way something like this is right under our noses!"

"Actually, it's probably under our feet," Lydia remarked, not looking up from the notes he was reading.

"What do you know about this, Earthshaker?" Mustang demanded in a dangerous tone. "Are you telling me you know where this circle is and you didn't tell anyone?"

"N-no, of course not, Flame, sir!" he squeaked.

"Then what do you mean, it's 'under our feet'?"

"I think it's p-probably under- underground," he stuttered. "It's the only—"

"Stand up, Earthshaker," Mustang ordered. Glaring directly into people's eyes had a tendency to work better when Mustang was a man and therefore tall, but she was still a vicious woman. "You HAVE been hiding this," she accused.

"Absolutely not, sir!" Lydia looked like he was going to cry.

"Sir, I suggest you interrogate, THEN antagonize," said Hawkeye without looking over. "That seems to work better at getting answers than the other way around."

"Ha, ha," said Mustang, unamused. She then turned her attention back to Lydia. "What do you know?Come on! Spit it out, girl!"

"Uh... ah... it's just... well, it occurs to me, sir, that... that there's no way that anyone could hide such a large and complex transmutation circle on the earth's surface, right? The probability is overwhelming that it would get disturbed somehow, even if it was made of solid iron—and actually, train tracks were my first thought of a way that the circle could work. So then I thought, 'where could you hide a huge system so that it wouldn't be disturbed? Well, sir, what do WE do when we need stuff out of our way but still usable? Telegraph lines, sewers..."

"Of _course!_" Mustang grabbed her hat (why she would need this, nobody knew, including herself) and her too-big blue shirt from where they were draped over a chair and headed for the exit.

"Sir!" shouted Hawkeye, standing up. "Where are you going?"

"Oh, right," said Mustang, as if she had just remembered everyone else. She turned around and faced the interior of the library again. "Earthshaker, Strong Arm, I want you two. Crimson, you're coming because I don't trust you out of my sight. Hawkeye, you're a given. Falman, find Fullmetal. He's making out with his girlfriend in one of the stacks, I think."

"Where are you going?" Hawkeye asked again.

"Underneath Central, there is an old city," she explained. "Pretty big place, but nobody goes there except sewage treatment workers, which is why I thought of it when Earthshaker said 'sewers.' If she's right, then there's a good change that we will find at least part of a still-brightly glowing transmutation circle. We only have to smudge a single line segment to turn the whole thing off." Suddenly, she seemed to remember something else, and she ran to the phone and dialed. "Put me through. It's General Roy Mustang for Fuhrer Olivia Armstrong. Urgent." She paused. "Yes. Yes. Thanks." She waited. Finally, "Fuhrer! We have a lead."

"Well, it's about damn time!"

* * *

_Well, if you really want to, I guess you can stay over tonight. No, I won't tell you the rest of the story yet; they're in segments for a reas—oh, fine. But the short version: _

_We went into the sewers. Thinking they were under attack, the homunculi, who were in the Central underground for a reason I never found out, attacked us back. It was a terrific fight, I assure you. _

* * *

Lydia realized he could not safely use his alchemy in this type of close-range combat, tried to edge away—but not towards the exit, of course. (He wasn't that much of a wimp.) He ran straight around the group's flank and down a random hall—well, it wasn't completely random—he wasn't that dull-witted. He ran towards the glowing transmutation circle, exactly as Mustang had predicted.

"...-shaker!" someone shouted behind him. "Run!"

"I know! I got it!"

The part of the circle that she could see had been laid in different-colored bricks. My forte, he thought smugly, as he pressed his hands together (tattooed with transmutation circles, obviously) and slammed them to the ground, sending half the floor flying.

Absolutely no one was killed in the resulting partial collapse of the underground city, the military later found. There was one body—the body of the Earthshaker Alchemist—but the morgue found that she had been stabbed five times through her heart by some sort of thin, elongated object... almost as if someone not-quite-human had impaled her with a razor-sharp set of extendable fingers for the hell of it.

The last thing Lydia heard was someone muttering, "Stupid humans."

* * *

_And that's all there is to it. _

_One last thing, before you go to bed: _

_Do you believe in alternate universes? Do you think it's possible for someone to... to die in one universe and be reincarnated in another?_

_No, nothing like that! It's just... an interesting concept, I guess. _

* * *

"Goodnight, Grandma Chang."


End file.
